I THINK I INVENTED CARPOOL KARAOKE

     With all due respect to James Corden, I'm pretty sure I came up with carpool karaoke decades ago.

     I was lucky to go on lots of summer family vacations.  I seem to remember different station wagons, but the Gran Torino was the one I remember the most.  I'm sure you can double check with my brother, but I had two really annoying habits on road trips.

    One clear memory is my obsession with leaning over my father's shoulder and saying "do we have enough gas, is there enough gas, do we need gas?" over and over again.

   
      My prowess in math is legendary (not at all) and he would try to explain we get 11 miles to the gallon, our tank holds 29 gallons, blah...blah...blah.  My little brain would melt down, my eyes glazed over and I would sink back muttering "I hope we have enough gas".  So you know that one time that there was a problem with the gas tank?

     Yep, ran out of gas.  I am pretty sure I started wailing in the back seat.  And I'm also pretty sure I was like 16.  Not pretty.

     The other extremely annoying habit was being able to identify a song on the radio within the first 3 notes.  My father would exclaim "how the heck do you know all these?"  Just massive skill I guess.

    I would yell out "I Got You Babe" or "King of The Road" and begin to sing along much to the consternation of the rest of the family.   This amazing skill has continued to annoy those around me.  My favorite utilization of this talent was when I would drive my son to school  or on errands when he was younger.  He was allowed to put in a CD (kids Google it)....mostly rap / hip hop stuff.  Now, as we adults know...lots of this music had sampled bits.  So I would love to break into Earth Wind & Fire's "SEPTEMBER" that was mixed into some DJ song.  My son would roll his eyes...."how do you know THIS music too???  You are so annoying!"  Yes, that I am, just ask your Uncle or Dad.

   Now, some clarification.   I knew the songs, would sing (and still do) at full voice.  However, this does not mean I was correct with the lyrics all the time.  Most of the time, but there have been some doozies:

• Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival:  Correct lyric:  "There's a bad moon on the rise".  My version:  "There's a bathroom on the right".
• Blinded By The Light by Springsteen:  Correct lyric:  "Blinded by the light.  Revved up like a deuce another runner in the night".  My version:  "Blinded by the light.  Revved up like a DOUCHE another runner in the night".  I always got in trouble for that one.
• Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks:  Correct lyric:  "White winged dove, sings a song."  For years I was belting out "One winged dove, sings a song."  Makes absolutely no sense.

   And many more.....fortunately, this all happened in the good old days of not having everything filmed showing your ignorance for internet eternity.

   But one classic tune that I thought for years I was singing right, my exposure as being full of s^%$ was captured on a funny episode of my friends' YouTube channel.  Spandex Nation unMasked...check out their channel and here is the funny episode featuring my ignorance in all its glory.  And some other jackasses too:

Watch Patti & other jackasses

I THINK I'M A SLIDER!

     As Richard Gere says in PRETTY WOMAN, "I miss keys" as he kept shoving his hotel room card into the door over and over.

    I can relate.  I have always had issues with hotel key cards.  So many times they just quit working for me.  And there is nothing quite like this when it happened in Vegas, in particular the MGM Grand.  The hallways are so long you have to pack a lunch to get from the elevator to your room (I also have an uncanny ability of scoring the room furthest away from elevator banks....I'm not kidding every time).  So after a night out, I would finally get to the room only to have the card not work (and I would always get 2 and both would die).  I would do the long walk  back to the lobby to get new cards.

    This is such a predictable situation that my husband won't even allow me to carry them when we go on vacation.  I have tried not putting them in my wallet (the idea that the magnetic strip on credit cards sets them off), rubbing them against clothing to eliminate static cling.  All to no avail.  I started to be known as having toxic hands.

    During a recent brunch with my Vegas buddy Gina we started this conversation over my ability to destroy electronic items with my bare hands. 

     In addition to the hotel key card situation I regaled her with just some recent activities (just this one visit to Vegas in particular):

• Having my gel manicure removed with power tools.  In the middle, the drill starts heating up and basically deteriorates.  The manicurist said "wow, I've never seen that before".
• My central AC thermostat is flashing a message while I'm adjusting the temperature.  The message doesn't even register when I google it.  The AC tech said, "jeez, I've never seen that before"
• My key fob for the pool entry dies.  
• Day two coffee maker dies.
• Day two blow dryer dies.
• Day two and a half, my rental car dashboard lights all start blinking
  
•  Day three my Fitbit claims I only walked 432 steps all day (OK well that MIGHT be accurate)

   And I've had ongoing issues with ceiling fans, replacing light bulbs (one started to melt and almost caused a fire), cell phones, desktop computers and on and on.  And I'm afraid electronics may not be the only thing affected.....my car was crushed 3 TIMES by trees in my driveway.  

   Being a great friend with a brilliant legal mind, Gina went on the Google hunt for more information.

   All this time I thought I was just your basic weirdo and klutz but it appears as if I can be classified as a "Slider".  At last I belong!   Some of Gina's research:

   From Conscious Life News:  "The Sliders phenomena is not limited to street lights only (oooh, that hasn't happened yet).  Often these people can't wear watches as they stop working within a couple of days.  They also affect other appliances such as headlights and alternators in vehicles, light bulbs and computers.  Light bulbs may blow every time a "slider" touches a lamp or a switch.   Computers may freeze, CD players change tracks suddenly whenever a slider is near.  Sliders may be unable to use credit cards as they become unreadable and many times cause an irregular EKG".   Check, check, check!

  There are many different theories on this phenomena...all related to energy.  And no known remedy so I guess I'm going to be a slider for life.  I figure it will be just another way that I'm crazy.  

   But the different articles all agreed that these situations are exacerbated by high emotion -- stress, anger or a near death experience.  So all I can end with is:

        Don't make me mad :)   Any other sliders out there???