Thursday, October 10, 2019

Retail Math & Other Career Lowlights Pt 1

     Now that I'm on the back side of my career, it has made me think back to the highlights of my storied career, but the lowlights are way more interesting.

     I was lucky in that I was pretty much sure of what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I remember my inspiration was the movie "The Best Of Everything":  a 1950s soap opera film that featured Hope Lange as a secretary in publishing, in NY City.  Complete with white gloves, high heels, hats and office romances.  Plus Joan Crawford...how could I resist?


     Out of college I landed a sales assistant position with a southern lifestyle magazine.  Back in those dark ages the fax machine occupied its own office and took about 20 minutes per page. 
     And no computers....no cellphones...I typed up sales reports on carbon paper, about 5 pages thick.  (All you young uns can Google 'office work 100 years ago').  I loved everything about it.  And talk about working in NYC?  The offices were in the Chrysler Building......so glam.

     I'm not sure how it happened but after a few years I landed a new job for a general aviation magazine.  One of my fav responsibilities was working on the "Bachelor" of the month feature.  Young, wealthy pilots.  What wasn't there to enjoy??

    Each summer the magazine produced the daily show newsletter for the EAA show in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.  I had never traveled for business before so this was some experience.  I would fly to Milwaukee, rent a car and drive to Oshkosh.
  We rented a beautiful home from a nice couple and we all moved in.  The only downside is that the couple were huge Badgers fans.  I think University of Wisconsin?  Badgers were everywhere......but looking at a 'GO Badgers' poster in the bathroom always caused me some performance anxiety.

     The staff would sit in a trailer -- the reporters would head out to the show, gather the stories and then my job was to type up the stories.  We would literally cut and paste the copy on to huge boards.  I would then drive to the printers and the newsletter would appear by magic each morning.  I could never imagine how we existed without technology, this is a lost art.

    The only problem I encountered was when someone asked me to back out my car.  If you know me, parking/backing up is not my strong suit.  A winding, crowded driveway, lined with trees.  The trees won.  Just a little embarrassing......

     On a very sad day for the world, I was at a tradeshow in Anaheim, CA the day the Challenger exploded.  I will never forget watching Neil Armstrong and Chuck Yeager reacting and discussing this tragedy.  It is one of the clearest memories I have.     

     I have no idea as to what possessed me to change industries....I wanted to get into the retail biz.  Shockingly, I was hired to be an assistant handbag buyer at JC Penney.  An office, accessories... what could possibly go wrong?

    Day One....before I even take a sip of coffee my new boss called me into the office.  "Yeah, well, I couldn't really say anything before, but the headquarters are moving to Plano, TX.  Do you want to go?  Well, actually you have to since that's where your job will be."  Nothing against Plano but I didn't even know where the ladies room was yet.  I politely declined and, I think to guard against a lawsuit, they allowed me to use all their equipment and resources to look for a new job.

    Miraculously I actually found another job.....as a receptionist at a major American leather goods company.  It was crazy but I adored it.  My boss was very generous in giving me assignments to grow my job.

    However it involved math.  Yikes....but fake it til you make it, right?  In hindsight the project was really basic math (but again before Excel).  But it might have well been quantum physics.  My deer in the headlights look when percentages were involved, clued my boss in to my ignorance.  So he nicely says, "Patti, when you go into a department store and you see 'take 30% off ticketed price' signage how do you figure out the price"?  Ah youth...ignorant child....I reply "well, I figure the cost will be less than the ticketed price so I'll be nicely surprised at the cashier".  Good answer, right? 
     Wrong....but instead of firing my butt, my boss signed me up for retail math courses.  I'm not sure if it stuck with me, I still make my friends figure out tips.

     Then the company developed a new concept of shop-in-shops in Department Stores.  I was promoted to be the manager of this program.  They hired a designer that I would be working with....and all these days later.... is still one of my besties.  He was tutoring me in interpreting floor plans  One memorable afternoon he was showing me what the legends meant, how to measure with a scale ruler, etc.

     I'm usually not stupid but you wouldn't have known it.  I asked "oh, so that is an elevator by the area marked as 'iccug'?  My co-worker was patient yet baffled.  He turned the floor plan around.  GUCCI....oh crap.


     And then the booze cruise........you'll just have to wait for Part 2.



 

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